Eat My Orgasmic Meat submitted by Fork

Welcome children, in today's lesson of 'cooking orgasmic food for your mouth' I will teach you how to make Corned Beef! This is easy, doesn't require a lot of effort and tastes absolutely delicious. The hardest part was actually cutting it up at the end because my knife is blunt as fuck. Here's what you'll need:



Read on for the full recipe that is full of win.


Ingredients
piece of corned beef (silverside)
slurp brown vinegar
8 or 9 whole pimento (or whole allspice)
a few cloves
bayleaf
teaspoon sugar
clove garlic, peeled
onion, not peeled but can cut in half
whatever veggies you want to eat with it

Fork Notes
I had no fucking idea what pimento is so I used some ground allspice.
The piece of meat I used was 1.5-2kg and I had to cut the end off to make it fit in the pot.
I also used homebrand minced garlic instead of fancy pants clove stuff.

Step 1 - Cook until almost cooked:

Place the corned beef in a large pot. Add cold water to cover. (Must be cold water as using hot water will shrink the meat too much.) Add the rest of the ingredients and slowly bring the water to the boil.





The key here is to bring it to the boil slowly! Let it take half an hour or the meat will shrink and your face will be ripped off by a passing otter, angry at the world and state of his backhair.



After bringing the meat to the boil lower the heat to a simmer and cook for an hour to an hour and a half. I did mine for an hour and a half as it was quite a large chunk of meat.

Now you can do whatever the hell you want for a while. Some ideas to use up your time is: drink excessively, draw unicorns on the wall or visit youjizz.



Step 2 - Add Veggies:

About half an hour before the meat is cooked you can add potatoes, carrots, onions or whatever else you wish (but not pumpkin as it will go to mush) to the water and cook them in the liquid. I wish I had carrots but they were nowhere to be seen.





When the meat is almost cooked, time to make the sauce!



Step 3 - Amazing Sauce:

Ingredients
1 1/4 teasp mustard mixed with 1oz butter
3 tabs sugar
1 egg (beaten slightly)
2 tabs vinegar

Fork Notes
I was a retard and forgot the butter :O
I actually made 3x this recipe for the sauce as it is great on anything.



Add 2 tabs water of which the meat has been cooked in and put all in a saucepan and bring to boil - keep stirring all the time - thicken with a little cornflour.

You will only need very low heat! Some of the egg might harden and become white if you don't stir it enough but that's fine.



Once the potatoes and other veggies are cooked the meat should also be ready to come out. Take all the stuff out with tongs



The meat should be a nice red colour, basically just fall apart from itself, be very easy to cut and melt in your mouth.

Cut into slices, whack some veggies in the microwave to steam, prepare on plate and lather on the sauce.



Eat. Orgasm. Be amazed at how simple it was and how good it tastes. Praise me.

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