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Darkshaunz
Spoon wrote:
Yeah what happens if China lands 1 billion people on the shores of Australia? What then?

(Indovasion was very entertaining, thank you)


If China landed 1 billion people on the shores of Australia, it would mean that Australia would have 1 billion dying, dehydrated and very irritated Chinese soldiers to deal with. It will also be even more entertaining than Indovasion. For this particular man-made disaster, I won't even need to look at hardware or strategy, because the result of an invasion of such a magnitude would be a legendary display of natural human processes at such a macro scale.

Just for their first day of hitting the shores of Australia, the Chinese fleet would need 2 billion liters of water....per day, so that their brave Chinese liberators saddled down with fifty pounds of combat assault gear don't drink their own piss on D-Day. I reckon just securing a beach head will probably take at least a week, so they'd need 14 billion liters of water (just for Darwin). Who the fuck knows how they'd get 14 billion liters of water to Australia, but I'm going to guess that the tens of thousands of cargo ships just carrying potable water might feel a bit nervous knowing that they are dangerously close to sinking (on account of having so much water INSIDE the vessel already). The Chinese ships will have to carry so much water, and have to balance the load of liquids so well in their hulls to avoid a tip-over on starboard or port, that they might actually be categorized as submarines at that point.

Okay, so we've solved the dehydration, but we're not even at the cusp of the problem here. The next problem isn't even ammunition, or how to communicate with 1 billion soldiers from different training bases or squads. The next problem is just natural things that occur within a human body. On D-Day +1, the 1 billion Chinese soldiers would have all produced about and shat out 450 million kilograms of excrement, and peed out about 800 million liters of piss. This is on D-Day +1, there's still 6 more days of a literal motherfucking shit storm that is quite rightly pissing down. By D-Day +7, the Chinese beach head would legitimately be covered in fecal matter - about 3 billion kilogram's worth of shit to be exact. At this point, I have very grave concerns for the Chinese soldiers, because at least a few million of them would have been trampled on in a slushy mix of shit, piss and sand - being drowned alive in fecal manner. The rest of the billion-strong detachment would be either suffering from diarrhea, typhoid, cholera or a combination of all three. The millions that have not died from this sanitary Hell would be adding more to the shoreline of shit by blasting more crap from their asses as a result of this disaster. There will be so much shit on the shores of Northern Australia, that the astronauts on the ISS would be able to see this unfold from low orbit.

Once the 1 billion Chinese troops have run out of water, all the fecal excrement from the previous landing days would have been dried out and baked by the sun. This is even more dangerous than the slushy sand, piss and shit mix that they have been drowning in for the past week. Dried out poop is actually really flammable, they now have 2 billion kilograms of poop which is effectively a napalm mixture made entirely out of shit. At this point, the Chinese will have to devote billions of liters of water to keep the dried out towers and lakes of shit moist (so they don't ignite into a firestorm), or use it to hydrate themselves. The Australians, probably sick of the piles of shit on their shores, will literally only need to drop no less than a handful of high-explosive or thermite bombs around the largest concentrations of shit on the shore. This effectively causes an eruption of shitfire that will put Pompeii's decimation to shame. Almost all the remaining Chinese marines will be burnt alive, in the foulest-smelling shit cook-off in recorded history. As a byproduct of the biggest shitfire in history, the flames would be so intense that no rescue or fire-fighting effort could get close enough to the site for weeks.

So that's how Australia beats an invading China, by setting shit on fire (literally).
thorment
Doc let's pretend that lake is all fresh drinkable water..
How many days will it take for 1 billion people to drink it dry, and how long until they fill it up with piss and faecal matter?
Darkshaunz
The nature of original content

Today I was greeted by an inconspicuous banner inviting me to contribute to the forums with a post. My first thought was, "Hey that's neat!", which was then followed very quickly by, "Probably not aimed at me, but still neat". So to whoever it was that made that coded that banner into the website, good job - because it worked. Well sort of, I mean strictly speaking, I'm not the primary target of concern for the banner. It did however, sharply bring into focus the sort of concerted background effort being made by the administrators of this site to encourage people to post, but in a way that is minimalistically unintrusive. They're more like invitations from an old friend, versus a boisterous tout trying to scamper tourists into buying $200 a pint drinks in some shady Turkish expat trap.

In the secretive bowels of the forums, lies a chamber where the techno-wizards convene to discuss ways to improve the site, and to get people active in the community. Some of you reading this may have noticed the subtle touches like the banner I just mentioned - or, you may have seen the twitter and facebook update posts. In the past, I've made a post encouraging people to make a post a day, and I've seen Fork touch on the subject on the general forums more than a few times personally. My question is, "Why isn't there more original content on the forums?". I mull on this issue from time to time, because I think it speaks to the core of why we seek new things to consume at such a rapid pace. The definitive answer is this - original content is time consuming and requires an effort to frame and structure. Most of the stuff I write can be consumed in less than ten minutes. It might take me anywhere from forty minutes to an hour and a half to edit it and trim shit down from the original etc. I can see how people might be put off by the initial investment of time and energy.

I believe it's because people think they don't have a viewpoint that's worthwhile to put into writing, or that the benefits of writing a more elaborate post is worth the economic cost of time (or a combination of both). People have told me it's because we have Slack now, so that has supplanted the forums by being more real-time, and dynamic form of connecting the community. From what I've seen, that is only a partial view of the entire situation - because the people on slack are definitely reading through my usually multi-paragraph postings here on the forum. Slack only makes the casual conversational culture in Twelve more accessible to members. I don't really see it as slack taking away the functionality of the forum, it's more along the lines of the forums becoming more of that platform for user-created content that it was initially designed to be. It's also part of our current culture of being bored and restless really quickly. We are switched on almost all the time, to receive new things and consume content, and traditional methods of producing written material simply can't keep up with the demand. By today's twitter feed standards, the simple act of writing in structured form outside of corporate and scholastic environments could be represented as being archaic.

People don't really stop to reflect, which is what is needed to digest and process things in a more meaningful way. This isn't so much a strike against modern society, nor is this an essay about the qualms of modern connectivity. It is however, an overwhelming environment we live in, constantly barraged in a sphere of endless information - GIGO. Original content doesn't have to be presented in deep analytical thoughts, or even in my favoured form of presentation - the wall of text where people go, "Oh Jesus it's another Shaun post of this nature, I'll save it for later when I have more time to kill". It can be a drawing that you did, fixed in with a caption to describe something. It could be a really short story that lasts no more than two paragraphs that gets people thinking, or it can be something potentially controversial. Sometimes what you write about strikes a real chord with people that are reading it. Take the entry I made about same-sex marriage for instance, I consider that a successful post because it really got a discussion going. I disagreed and agreed with a variety of users and some of the things they shared, but the whole time - I very much appreciated and respected the socratic method of interaction. It takes a form of courage to put that bit of yourself out there in the written, and in a sphere of crushing political correctness - we've moved to a mode of self-censoring and silence. This, in times when a lot of trite selfies and filtered instagrams are contributing to the electrosphere, only an orchestra of noise and clutter.

Original content, then. It's that thought you have that you dwell on and converse with yourself on. It's that abstract construct you doodle on your paper when you're going through motions of the most mundane nature. It's that niggling thing that you think only prods at your inner being, that you're not quite sure how to express. It's the you that only you might grasp totally, but have a burning desire to share (time and effort be damned). Most importantly, act on it because those fleeting thoughts and sensations are moments you could seize to captivate, humour and compel your fellow man.
Fork
I'd like you to know I saw this and read it straight away :)

Though I'm not entirely sure what to think about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Darkshaunz
Fork wrote:
I'd like you to know I saw this and read it straight away :)

Though I'm not entirely sure what to think about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


I went back to read through my post, and I've come to the very stark realization that I may have just written, in essay form, Shia Le Bouf's JUST DO IT video.
cailo-
Interesting post Shaunz. Sometimes we have a thought of a concept about something then someone puts it into coherent words. I feel the same way as you do, but I feel it goes further.

I think we all have things we keep bottled up and want to say. Maybe it's a belief about something external like your take on something that is going on the world, sometimes it is something more personal. In 2003 I learned about livejournal.com. At first I thought I'd post my beliefs about the world into it, it quickly turned into a personal place where I can figure out things going on in my life in a real time notepad, that is usually I would figure out my problem in the process of writing it. At first I kept it open to the public, unanimous, I like the fact that a stranger might read it and find it interesting, it made me feel not alone. Then my mother decided while I was overseas to do a google search on a keyword that linked to my journal, to which decided to tell me all about it, to which I felt completely embarrassed and made it private. All though my journal had then lost its public appeal to me I found it was no less effective, as a matter of fact I felt it became more effective because I now felt as if I had the freedom to write what ever I want into it with out judgmental eyes.

I have considered creating my own blog like yours Shaunz, I'd call it 'Cailo's Peaceful Shack By The River'. I thought it would be a place where I can tell things the way I see it. See, this thought came before my consideration of comparing it to my journal. I now think it would just turn into a place where I would talk about my personal life just like what happened to my journal.

I suppose what my point is I totally agree with your 'just do it' for your concept of original concept, but it takes a special kind of person to be able to do it. Its not about having the guts to say it, personal stuff should only be expressed if you feel as if you want to and if you do you should go ahead and do it. I would encourage many people to have their own personal blogs in these forums if you feel this way. My point its if it feels good do it, if it doesn't feel good do it. It is more complex than just doing it, its very complex and it takes a through understand of ones self to do it right.
Spoon
Darkshaunz wrote:
Fork wrote:
I'd like you to know I saw this and read it straight away :)

Though I'm not entirely sure what to think about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


I went back to read through my post, and I've come to the very stark realization that I may have just written, in essay form, Shia Le Bouf's JUST DO IT video.



We were trying for a fair while to come up with ways to get people more involved and to post more, but overall there just isn't enough people around to make that happen. We've done a great job with what we have, but without a constant source of fresh meat, it just can't ever keep up with the drop offs due to real life etc. We've known this for a while and it's the sad reality.

On the other hand though, Slack has managed to give those of us still around a way to quickly interact with each other in between our real world tasks and it has proved to be a great distraction throughout the day. It's just a shame these conversations don't live on in ways people can respond to in the future like posts on the forums do.

You're absolutely spot on that we just want everything now now now and we live in a world where it's impossible to be bored (because everyone has their phone just an arms length away and filled with twitters and twatters. I hope we discover a way to reinvigorate the forums at some point, but to me the most important thing is staying in contact with all you lovable jerks in whatever capacity is available to me.
retsgip
The only way I see the forums being revitalized would be to do some intensive recruiting on other games and then hoping that a few of those games actually take off and produce more meat.

Also, life is hard. I barely use my computer anymore. I'm barely ever home. I may not post but I'm still around. I'm sure there's a fair bit of lurkers running around but who never post.
Fork
Spoon wrote:
You're absolutely spot on that we just want everything now now now and we live in a world where it's impossible to be bored (because everyone has their phone just an arms length away and filled with twitters and twatters.




"We live in a digital world.
We move to the beat of each other."
Darkshaunz
The Ultimate Pay to Win Game

That's a title that definitely goes to Magic: The Gathering. With the recent release of the latest Duels game on Steam, I found myself tapping my brain for old, discarded memories of my time competitively playing Magic at my local card shop. These were memories of some of the most fun I've had playing with pre-cut pieces of cardboard, and also some of the most costly, and terrible encounters with socially inept human beings. I actually still actively collect Magic cards, predominantly for the art - and I usually buy them online from sites like Troll & Toad, and Starcity Games. If you want to play Magic competitively, you have to play Type 2 (Now called Standard) constructed, or more recently - Modern is returning as a popular competitive format. Either way, Standard is the format that will decimate your wallet and introduce you to some fun-loving Magic players, and horrible squalid shitdrinkers that you wish you could burn alive on a ritualistic pyre. The aim is to win at FNMs, and the price is very, very high indeed.

I am now going to make a lot of anecdotal observations and say a bunch of shit based on my own experience, because I can.

At any rate, here's what I noticed in my time grinding FNMs:

Red Players (Mr. Dosh)

These guys are usually the richest motherfuckers at the shop. They have foil lands down when they play and they use their flashy new smartphone as their life counter. Most of them have those anime sleeves with like some anime chick ready to take a load to her face. These sleeves cost about twice as much then the standard Matte Ultra Pro sleeves (which I use), because of people like Mr. Dosh. I usually looked for riced-up modded Toyotas/Subarus before parking my Civic to see if there was going to be money-slingers that night. These guys only have one meta - Kill you before turn 4, and if they beat you on turn 5, they will announce that their deck sucks dick and indirectly make you feel even worse for losing. There is nothing more beautiful than beating a Mono-Red son of a bitch, except maybe going over to their house and fucking their sister in front of them. They also shake their legs a lot and tend to be fidgety, because they can't fathom that people play this game at their own pace. Will often not bother sideboarding against you because they used their superpower of spending their parents' money to get all their pieces of their netdeck.

White Players (Flowcharts)

White players get a bit of a pass from me, because I played White (and a splash of blue) during my time grinding FNMs. White players tend to be pretty conventional players who flowchart quite a bit. I never met a white player that would try to bluff, most of them have been pretty blunt in what was going to happen next. They were either playing weenie or some kind of tribal spin-off, and it's like playing a RTS. There's a build order of things that's going to happen, and you're either going to counter these things or you weren't. I found matches against white decks to be pretty bland and uninspired, nothing wowed me because the meta for white was pretty stable throughout. Personally, I played a weenie/spirit deck, which had a very clear picture of where you needed to be at what points of the game in terms of mana and board presence. Piloting that deck was more like auto-piloting I suppose. Overall, this is an "Eh, it's aight" colour to pilot or face.

Blue/Black Control (Player is typing...)

Straight up, these were the second richest shitlords in the shop and I hate U/B control decks with the passion of a million exploding galaxies. Every control player thinks that whatever you're doing is inconsequential and whatever they are doing is "magic mastery", even though it's more akin to being some kind of autistic space wizard. U/B Control pilots think that their combos or bounce timings are self-made, but it actually is an exact copy of the same U/B control deck that just Top 4'd at the last Grand Prix, or American PTQ (pro-tour qualifier). Control players fit totally into the stereotype of taking a really socially unacceptable long time to finish their turn, and spouting off phrases like, "in response to x, I'm casting y - which triggers z" and, "I'm an anal piece of shit, please punch me in the mouth so I can see the colour red again". There was this one time I actually managed to PLAY THE FUCKING GAME because my opponent was mana screwed. He was really, visibly upset and I actually took my turns slowly that game because I wanted to burn the image of his frustrated face into my mind. You know you're having a good game when your opponent is flicking his eyes to his hand, his mana and to the board state. You know he has the answers in his hand but he can't topdeck either a godforsaken island or swamp. He would nervously murmur, "Hehe just mana screwed...Tch!", and I would feign empathy by saying, "Damn man, that's rough" - but in my heart I was loving every minute of it, it was like someone was stabbing my neck with needles lined with opiates. That shit is my jam, that is my aqua vitae.

Green Players (That escalated quickly)

Easily the nicest players I met, and by that I mean literally two people who played green in FNM. I do a lot of hand-shaking with these guys, because they ask me about my week, they laugh when they play ramp into some godzilla monster that is going to rape my face (like laugh heartily, not chuckle smugly as they deny my third spell of the game, fuck you U/B Control space autists) and most importantly of all - they have a good time overall. I was only ever complimented for my play by a green player, and I have only complimented another player's play when he was piloting a stompy ramp deck. This is because I think sportsmanship and being a decent human being should be reciprocated all the time, but mostly because it's such a pleasant thing to be able to talk about something other than who won the PTQ at some foul smelling card joint with whatever jack-off netdeck (a lot of the "super competitive" players were unemployed parent-money spending nolifers who grinded multiple FNMs at different card shops).

"The Meta" (Hasbro gets money)

People talk about the "meta" like it's some kind of magic space that seasoned veterans astrally project themselves into, in order for them to glean the secrets of the competitive scene. It's actually this: whatever deck is winning whatever qualifier or GP in the world is a good bet. The meta can be figured out after your first FNM and setting the SCG/Channel Fireball pages to your homepage and checking it daily (wow that was super hard). Lo and behold, a lot of U/B control and RDW (Red Deck Wins) tend to Top 8 and Top 4 around the world, so this leads us to believe that a lot of players will be playing those colours for block constructed, which was most definitely the case in my game shop.

Magic's a great game, and although my days as a FNM grinder has long since past - I'm considering going for some pre-releases for the new sets, because the usual format of choice for those is Sealed. When you want to talk about a format that encourages fun, creativity and an equalized environment - you're talking Limited.

Remember kids, it's called cardboard crack for a reason.
Spoon
Darkshaunz wrote:
Blue/Black Control (Player is typing...)

Straight up, these were the second richest shitlords in the shop and I hate U/B control decks with the passion of a million exploding galaxies. Every control player thinks that whatever you're doing is inconsequential and whatever they are doing is "magic mastery", even though it's more akin to being some kind of autistic space wizard. U/B Control pilots think that their combos or bounce timings are self-made, but it actually is an exact copy of the same U/B control deck that just Top 4'd at the last Grand Prix, or American PTQ (pro-tour qualifier). Control players fit totally into the stereotype of taking a really socially unacceptable long time to finish their turn, and spouting off phrases like, "in response to x, I'm casting y - which triggers z" and, "I'm an anal piece of shit, please punch me in the mouth so I can see the colour red again". There was this one time I actually managed to PLAY THE FUCKING GAME because my opponent was mana screwed. He was really, visibly upset and I actually took my turns slowly that game because I wanted to burn the image of his frustrated face into my mind. You know you're having a good game when your opponent is flicking his eyes to his hand, his mana and to the board state. You know he has the answers in his hand but he can't topdeck either a godforsaken island or swamp. He would nervously murmur, "Hehe just mana screwed...Tch!", and I would feign empathy by saying, "Damn man, that's rough" - but in my heart I was loving every minute of it, it was like someone was stabbing my neck with needles lined with opiates. That shit is my jam, that is my aqua vitae.

Green Players (That escalated quickly)

Easily the nicest players I met, and by that I mean literally two people who played green in FNM. I do a lot of hand-shaking with these guys, because they ask me about my week, they laugh when they play ramp into some godzilla monster that is going to rape my face (like laugh heartily, not chuckle smugly as they deny my third spell of the game, fuck you U/B Control space autists)

Greatly entertaining, thank you Shaun.

I would likely be playing a control deck if I was playing constructed competitively, although ramp is sweet also.
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