Below is the post in its entirety. The original post: 'Re: Office Drone Hive 2015'.
Darkshaunz wrote:Fun wrote:If I was stranded on a desert island I'd just take Shaun.
I feel like he'd bring the appropriate things.
and he'd be delicious
As a service:
You have chosen me. This is admittedly quite a bothersome choice, because I have my own things to bring and didn't consider that I'd be the one being brought by someone else. Assuming that I'm not allowed to bring anything else, because I'm considered to be an item choice (my basic human rights notwithstanding), I'd count as your survival item. All I can say is, that was a remarkably poor decision on your part, and an even poorer decision on mine for not including a clause that would have avoided this very annoying and perilous situation. Seeing as you only brought me and not three other items, I'm only of use to you for about three or so days before I dehydrate and then expire - hating you for every minute of it. In those three days, I suppose you could lament the horrible decision you've made and send me out to clear mines for you, or something (because there are minefields now, and somehow the both of us are in 1950s Cambodia). If you fear that you might forget this terrible choice, I assure you that I will be there to remind you constantly about it (as a service).
All in all, I have about 100,000 calories if you decide to consume my organs. Doesn't solve the dehydration problem on your part - or on the part of my body. By the time I've been cut up into edible portions, you'd have no place to store the flesh and I'd go bad really quickly. Other usefulness about my flesh may include using it as a lure to bait carrion feeders (monitor lizards, some birds and small predators) and then eat them instead. I think the most useful thing is to cut off my arm, cure and dry it - and then use it as some of bizarre shamanistic juju back scratcher. This is plausible because consuming my Asian blood and entrails would have driven you to at least partial madness, when coupled with I must assume - some guilt on your part for causing my death. I'd rate your survival to be barely better than mine, definitely less than seven days.
Plus side: You can make a joke like, "I had Chinese food last night" to yourself, and all of your alter egos would erupt into laughter.