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Darkshaunz
How I think shit in this world works

CARS

When I hit on the accelerator pedal, I'm injecting fuel into the engine which literally explodes. These explosions then propel pistons in the engine that moves what I must assume are levers and pulleys that drives the discs known as tyres. When I hit on the brakes, there are clamp-things that are like alligator clips that munch on the tyres so they stop moving. The engine is used to charge the battery, which gives me power to start up the car, use indicator lights and listen to awful fucking music on the radio. There is a hole in the main control area that you can stick some dildo looking charging device in to charge a phone or use it to light a cigarette. The windscreen wipers are used to displace water so you can drive when it is raining, except when it's drizzling and you're not sure whether you should wait until the droplets accumulate into something opaque and then you swipe it all off with one hand motion, or leave it on auto. With the latter making a really agonizing scraping sound and the water doesn't actually disperse because your wipers are old and smear a thin oily film of water all over your windshield. It has been like 200 years since the industrial revolution, why didn't someone fix wiper technology.

PLANES

Genius engineers took a really huge tube and decided that "it'll have to do" for propelling human beings 39,000 feet in the air at speeds of about 800 km/h. There's a pressurizing system so that we don't die after take-off, which is awesome. The crucial part of the airplane isn't the engines, although they are arguably pretty important - it's the wings, which allows the moving air to provide lift to the aforementioned pressurized steel tube that people decided to fight gravity in (and win, mostly). The planes literally run on a system of pulleys and levers, which are controlled by the "control surface" a pilot uses. Due to restrictions of space, a lot of the fuel is stored in the wings of airplanes, which is a great idea because when the engines inevitably explode on that one flight you'll be boarding, the wings will erupt into phoenix-like wings and result in a quick death. There are many redundant systems in place, except when both pilots die, all the engines fail (and the pilots are dead) and when the wings explode because the engines failed (and erupt into flames), killing everyone on board. Otherwise it was a really good invention and I like that you get free salted peanuts.

CIVIL ENGINEERING

Engineers are real life worker units from RTS games that actually do all that shit in-game for a living. Buildings begin with a foundation, usually with huge piles of metal driven into the ground by weird dragon-like crane beasts that make so much fucking noise, I hate these things because they are so loud and there's construction happening right next to my condominium. This is known as "Piling". After this horrible orchestra of CLANGING, workers from a different country will begin building a scaffold. Then they'll start welding and connecting a series of steel beams, and then pour concrete over it. There are many vehicles that assist in the construction process, including concrete mixers, cranes, backhoes, and bulldozers. I know this because instead of transporting these heavy machines properly, the subcontractors here choose to drive them on the highways at 30 km/h, good job assholes. Between piling and opening, it's just steel beams, pouring concrete and arc welding flashes for like two years.

JUDICIAL SYSTEM

The court is where everyone looks really sad and/or angry because everyone is guilty or trying to jail the guilty. There are two parties, the plaintiff and the defendant - the defendant is trying not to go jail because he knows he is guilty, and the plaintiff is very angry with the defendant - but can't just straight up skullcrush him with a sledgehammer because then he'd be the defendant versus a state prosecutor. The judge is a guy, or gal that is a very unhappy person because they see a lot of really stupid law-breaking idiots in their working day. They have mostly lost faith in humanity because people have been told many times not to break the law, but yet here they are. In the judicial system, 80% of court cases are settled out of court because anger can be sated with money. The other 20% that have to be settled by a judge are crimes so bad that not even money was enough to appease the prosecuting party - this means that the defendant is straight up guilty and should be jailed eternally. There is a cop in the courthouse, and his job is to tell people to rise when the judge comes in from a secret back door that nobody else can come from.

AIR CONDITIONING

I must applaud the person who invented air conditioning, and I can tell that this person came from a country with a devastatingly hot climate. Unlike the rest of his peers, who complained about the weather, this individual went out to make a machine that made hot air into cold air. This is impressive, because it is sorcery only matched by Gandalf dueling a Balrog at the bridge of Kazad-Dun. The air conditioning system is made out of two main components, a huge box with a fan inside it called the compressor, and the actually air conditioning unit itself - which is a rectangular white box with horizontal holes to dispel the cold air. How it works is that the compressor is put outside of the place it's trying to cool, because it is very loud and would cause partial deafness if left inside. This compressor takes hot air from the outside and then feeds it into the unit inside which is then cooled by icy-cold-coolant and then expelled for humans to enjoy. Sometimes the air conditioning unit inside starts to leak water because the ice-coolant-chemical inside is being adversely affected by global warming.
Fork
Brilliant as always Shaunz.

I especially liked the cars literally exploding and sorcery of air conditioners.
Hunterbob
Darkshaunz wrote:
except when it's drizzling and you're not sure whether you should wait until the droplets accumulate into something opaque and then you swipe it all off with one hand motion, or leave it on auto. With the latter making a really agonizing scraping sound and the water doesn't actually disperse because your wipers are old and smear a thin oily film of water all over your windshield. It has been like 200 years since the industrial revolution, why didn't someone fix wiper technology

This made me laugh! In warmer weather when I haven't washed the car, and it starts drizzling, I wait.

I might not even use the wiper, because I know there won't be enough water to push all the dirt away :lol:
hekate
How this shit works with a one year old

Cars
Image

Planes
Image

Civil engineering
Image

Judicial system
No
NO
Mummy said No
Shrewmkin
Fork wrote:
Everyone should do "How I think Jim in this world works"


How I think Jim in this world works:

  • Wakes up, wants a quickie from Corine, she says no because she is tired from looking after the baby.
  • Gets ready for work all pissed off for lack of sex.
  • Chills with the German guys at work (Can't remember the nationality of the guys at your work Jim).
  • Check's Slack to see if anything interesting is on there.
  • Goes back to work.
  • Finishes work.
  • Checks if any political arguments or feminazi remarks has been made on the Twelve Forums.
  • He can't find any, so he goes to taking baby photo's and watching his favourite TV show with the baby.
  • Realises he can't give alcohol to the kid when watching TV, so instead drinks the baby's share.
  • Has food
  • Goes to sleep.
  • Wakes up to repeat routine again.
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