Below is the post in its entirety. The original post: 'E3 2015 - Get Hype, Maybe'.
This thread could have just ended with the above two pictures, because that's all you need to know about E3. Robbed of any sort of glitzy showbags, freebies and booth babes, the show for the past few years has been a sterile marketing sell to the lapdogs of "games journalism". For most of us in employment, we will be at work or asleep for about 100% of the presentations. Let me ease your worries by saying that you won't miss anything, literally. Whatever vacuum there was to fill with surprise announcements or rancorous reveals opening to an applause of eager reporters - has been filled by leaks and announcements in recent days. More than a 'mum's the word' approach to exciting information, the pre-E3 machine more resembles a bullet-ridden corpse of a rusty hulk sinking painfully into the Atlantic. So you won't even have that to look forward to, because any major announcements have already been made beforehand. This leaves us with the hosts for each publisher having to contend with a crowd that has already been sated by the feasting of news released a week or so prior to the show (oh boy). E3 2015 for the most part, will be reduced to a Sunday afternoon matinee, filled with trailers and teasers that we've already seen and consumed.
I hope this VR stuff isn't a pile of Bullshit
We were all there for motion controls being revealed in E3, I know you remember it well. After years of gaming development, Nintendo decided that playing fake tennis with half an umbrella handle would revolutionize gameplay. Which it did not, and unfortunately in what seemed to be a sad game of catch up, Sony came up with a glowing pink dildo and Microsoft decided to ditch the handle concept and just use your entire body as one large trackable dildo. Hey, great work with that stupid bullshit, everyone - because it looks like we're all back to using the controller for video gaming. E3 2015 is the sort of corporate entity that looks at the worldwide USD$60 billion dollar gaming industry pie with the sort of coveting that Moses would have shunned disgustedly whilst standing atop Mount Sinai. This means that VR will be given the limelight as the next big thing, but in its defense - it looks like nobody's really playing catch up because everyone drank from Gul'Dan's cup containing the blood of Mannoroth. As promised, whoever drank from the skull cup was to be granted a demonic strength and conviction unmatched by any other cosmic force - so now everyone's making a headset.
Obviously, I'm skeptical about VR technology taking off - in the same way that when I saw Wii Sports being played on stage, I was thinking about how terrible that stuff was, and still is. A few of my concerns mostly involve the fact that strapping goggles around my head is probably going to get old fast, and that there are probably going to be a ton of software/hardware limitations that will take you out of the game, ironic for a system that is meant to be a total immersion experience. The way I picture it, if you want to stop playing a game right now, you just look away, walk away or close it. With a virtual headset on, if you need to rest your eyes (and trust me, you will) - you'll need to close your eyes like that time you were watching a scary movie with friends and family but you closed them and pretended that everyone around you didn't think you were a massive pussy. Worse than that, you'd have to stop the game and take off your headset clumsily and dizzily, if the disorientation didn't make you puke all over your fancy Razer peripherals. Even if this VR bullshit turns out to be an overhyped train wreck - I am still honestly looking forward to the flurry of youtube videos where people have violent physiological reactions to having a VR headset on for lengthy periods of time. At the very least, if it fails to kick off in the US, they should just donate all of the knowhow to Japan so the Japanese can make those amazing porn simulators for the rest of humanity.
If I had to be completely honest about why I bother watching the E3 recaps of each publisher's presentation, it's because I enjoy the hour or so of all-you-can-eat suffering from the hosts on the stage. Awkward, scripted and otherwise completely insincere presentations are destroyed single-handedly by a timing error, unexpected crashes and really poorly received "hype" cues from the crowd. As the performer on-stage desperately seeks the vindication and redemption from an otherwise bored and uninterested gaming press, you can just taste the air lined with cynicism and desperation. One might even go as far as to say that this sort of sadistic intoxication may be the sole reason to watch the E3 presentations.
It all begins with the ever-increasing tempo and volume of host on the stage, as they try to whip the crowd into a frenzy by citing a well-known franchise, or character - only to reveal that it's some piece of shit mobile game with in-game transactions, or a remaster of a game that nobody really thought needed a remaster. The crowd becomes silent and unmoved, with some compassionate souls giving weak pity claps. Your eyes train to the presenter, who has now cupped both his hands in nervousness and his forehead covered in noticeable beads of sweat, it could be the warmth of the spotlight (but likely not). E3 2015 will provide me with at least 5 hours of what must be the equivalent of "American Idol", except instead of 3 judges where one is kind, one is an asshole and one is balanced - the candidate is placed in front of a thousand bored, jaded assholes and a twitch stream chat of a hundred thousand ready to make embarrassing gifs of the various inevitable fails for my amusement.
At any rate, enjoy E3 in your own way, or don't. Definitely don't join the evolution though, fuck that.