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[POTM] for May 2015

kiss of death

Twelve
Congratulations go to Darkshaunz for winning Post of the Month for May 2015.

Below is the post in its entirety. The original post: 'Re: Darkshaunz's Lair of Tentacles'.

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Darkshaunz wrote:
The Boxing Match of the Millennium

In the past three days, my facebook feed has been inundated by people that have apparently been consumed by the art of pugilism. Pugilistic adventures for the most part, involve two intelligent organisms pummeling each other in the face until somebody wins (nobody wins, in reality). However, this was not a match between pugilist men, it was a fight of titans. If my facebook feed was anything to go by - it would determine the fate of our world. I had nary a time to weep for our world hanging precariously by a thread, with all its intrigue and mysteries being determined by a serial wife-basher and a born-again Christian that is staunchly anti-abortion. It did however, seem completely appropriate that both individuals, noted as being of the order mammalia, were going to make an unholy fucktillion amount of money.

I know some of you couldn't afford the USD$350,000 tickets to see Goku fight against Perfect Cell LIVE. I know some of you couldn't even afford the USD$100 pay-per-view fee to watch it like the hunchbacking husks of humanity, curled violently as you do to crane your body to gaze longingly into the screens of your mobile devices. Rest easy, because I watched it all unfold with my own eyes. I did this using the power of time travel - where I moved my body through the sands of time to land in the future, when the entire fight would be free to watch after the fact.


xMONEYx_FLERD MERWETHER_xMONEYx

This guy is basically Balrog from Street Fighter. He is all about the money, and beating women. He is also a part-time boxer, and is known for his technical ability to game a system of fighting that basically makes him Hitmonchan with Agility, Minimize, Mach Punch and Swords Dance. According to my Facebook friends, this guy is basically SATAN and he betrayed God. I think he is also responsible for Ebola, The Black Plague and SARS. Everybody said that he was all about the money and didn't care for much else, and I'm inclined to agree. In a way though, Flerd Merwether is the best representation of 21st century humanity - materialistic, short-sighted, deluded and utterly wasteful (he throws away every trainer he uses just after one session). Nobody wanted him to win, which was very hilarious to me because I knew that if he did win, a veritable shitstorm would be unleashed into the virtual muck we call the internet. Still, any guy that can buy an entire country and instill this much hate is worthy of some of my admiration, because for a weekend, he had everyone by the balls - especially his opponent.


PAC MAN SONIC MARIO ZELDA

On this corner, the underdog rags-to-riches humble Filipino politician who should have stopped boxing already. If you didn't support this guy openly on facebook, twitter or tumblr - I suppose you would have been taken aside to be bashed and humiliated on the streets. Supporting FLERD MERWETHER instead of this God-loving punching guy who had to drink water for weeks for a lack of money is like saying you want to fuck everyone in the face and shit in their mouths. Also, he doesn't believe in abortion, which was awkward for some of his female fans who didn't know that.….but not entirely unsurprising either way! Known for his aggressive style, I don't doubt that Senator Pac Man Sonic Mario Zelda is indeed a fine warrior. Though I might doubt his intelligence as a member of our species. This guy agreed to essentially ever retarded demand that FLERD MERWETHER listed. Apparently this fight was put off for many years because of the two of them not agreeing to the terms. Yes, this makes sense because the completely one-sided terms were dictated by a crazy wife-basher and I suppose God was telling Pac Man Sonic Mario Zelda that the other guy was SATAN.


THE NEGOTIATION

Merwhether Promotions would get the "Lion's Share" of the earnings from this "fight". Merwheter would also dictate all the terms, including All-MURICAN judges, the venue, the time, and which arms of his opponent he would sacrifice to Ares, the God of War. Nintendo Promotions agreed to all of this bullshit, because 40% of a fucktillion dollars, is still enough money to fund NASA for the next decade.


THE "FIGHT"

It started with a lot of yelling, chest thumping and general baboon-like behaviour from both the contenders. The best description I can give: It's like if you showed a pair of alpha-baboons a clip from 300, and then shot syringes filled with testosterone into their eyeballs. Baring their teeth, which is the simian facial expression of territorial dominance, the two circled each other like a marauding pair of vultures - lured by the scent of the dying carcass formerly known as professional boxing. Then came the first punch, from Senator Pac Man Sonic Mario Zelda, this punch was nothing like you've ever seen. By lowering his spine and then twisting his body (just like he would to cut grass for rupees), he created a miniscule vortex punch that actually caused some Tornado chasers in Oklahoma to flinch. Unfortunately, his opponent - Flerd Merwether used this opportunity to go into parallel side of this straight punch and into a hug. Overcome by this sudden display of affection and human understanding, Pac Man Sonic Mario Zelda thanked God, Jesus Christ, Allah and Buddha for converting SATAN into a machine of love and feels. Unfortunately, the referee (also chosen by Merwhether) decided that peace and love in the New World Order as unacceptable and broke them up.

The final leg of the fight was a spurious display of man-love and what is known as "Outboxing". Merwether, an expert "technician", "tactician" and "strategist" inside the boxing ring knew the technical rules of boxing so well that he could just Outsource all of the actual boxing to the three American judges, which he chose. The technique he employed was simple: run the fuck away from the Hylian warrior because this Filipino had the triforce of power. The tactic was also to land sniping-punches with deadly accuracy, taking advantage of his greater reach, imagine a giraffe boxing a rhinocerous. Don't stop imagining that by the way, because it's definitely more impressive and entertaining. His overall strategy though, use the power of love and intimacy to man-hug his way to victory. Apparently Flerd Merwhether was supposed to be docked points for excessive displays of affection to this digital-man-beast hybrid of everyone's beloved video gaming franchises. Ah, whatever. Anyway, the fight ended after twelve rounds (Illuminati Lizard People confirmed) - and the world awaited the heart-racing results of who would win.


THE "RESULT"

Should have surprised nobody, but instead surprised almost everybody. This is the same group of people who decided that in less than 48 hours, they were qualified to comment anything worth a damn about professional boxing. You see, there are actual rules of scoring in boxing, and this made a lot of people upset. It turns out that FLERD MERWETHER had the superior technique and technical knowledge to game the system to his advantage, in a ring where the referees and judges were already being paid in 10 kilo blocks of crack cocaine. Wow, what a surprise that he won! I guess Senator Pac Man Sonic Mario Zelda is now forever a loser, being a millionaire at least 200 times over for essentially getting a free man-hug therapy session for not one, but TWELVE sessions. The two of them are winners, and big ones at that. The losers are the people getting upset about an arrangement where two rich men agree to screw everyone around them to get even richer. Suckers.

Shut the fuck up about the rematch and watch a real televised sport instead, like soccer, basketball or ice hockey.

- Shaunz
Twelve
In second place we have cailo- with the post: 'Re: Office Drone Hive 2015'.

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cailo- wrote:
Yea Doc it stinks to be bent over and fucked when you are only getting paid to be fucked, thats rape. I mean, where does it stop, will you have to suck their cock too? I suggest you cum in their face and make them your bitch, see how it makes them feel. Its all about being dominant.
Twelve
And in third place we have Docilus with the post: 'Doc's Camping Adventure'.

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Docilus wrote:
I've been wanting to go on a camping trip for quite some time now. My last one was way back in 2005, to a coastal town for some beach fishing. So when Shiva's family suggested an outback excursion, I totally went nuts (and spent so much money refurbishing my camping equipment). 5 car convoy, ANZAC dawn service, 2 nights camping in the bush, bit of sight-seeing then drive back to Perth. What fun!
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I have an old Cub Camper from the 80's that I have been doing up over the years. New canvas, checker-plating, alko stabilizers and a queen-size bed. I still have many more upgrade plans for it, but I've always kept it in road worthy condition for just this kind of adventure.
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The ANZAC dawn service was surprisingly good (and thankfully short as it was only 9 degrees with a breeze), and there was quite a large turn out. More than what just the town has to offer; really good to see that kind of spirit.
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I'd like to point out that the poppy is the flower for Remembrance Day (in November). ANZAC Day's symbol is a sprig of Rosemary. Get it together organizers..
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I've mapped out the trip, just over 900kms, to show you where we went.
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For some perspective of distance.
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First place I had the convoy stop was an old water reservoir from my farming days. Built in the 20's, water resources like this one were built just in-case Japan invaded and we had to make a run for the hills. A large rock outcrop has a concrete border built up around it. When it rains, the water is captured and directed down hill, to a waiting tank or damn. There are hundreds of the tanks and dams around, but there are only 7 of these reservoirs in the state. Something like thirty six thousand mega litres.
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It is in need of some repair; it has seen better days.
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Second stop, Elachbutting Rock.
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Elachbutting Rock is a massive granite outcrop, a very popular camping sport for 4x4 wheel clubs and for locals, also a popular site for weddings. The name Elachbutting (pronounced 'ee-lack-but-ting') is thought to mean �that thing standing� which is quite feasible as Elachbutting is a large granite rock, a prominent landmark standing out from the surrounding countryside. It has a spectacular colourful wave similar to Hyden�s Wave Rock with the added beauty of �Monty�s Pass�, a 30m tunnel caused by a rock slide.

There were a couple of other campers already set up when we got there, so we we went around again and set up our base at the north east side. Ended up parking the camper on a bit of an incline, but after some shovel work I got it pretty much level.
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Campsite from above.
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Women doing all the work? Check.
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And check.
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Ahhh. Really nice, roaring camp fire.
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The track up to the rock just doesn't get it in the right perspective. The thing is huge.
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Good views from up top.
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Monty's Pass was quite magical. The approach up to the face of the rock was reasonably green, partly due to the recent rains. I kept expecting to be jumped by magical rock fairies, or at least an ogre or troll.
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Looking up, the sky was bright but so far away.
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Out the other end of the tunnel.
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You can see where the rock has split open.
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The wave facing. I saw a dragon here, quite spectacular.
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We all stayed up quite late that night. Plenty of party food and miscellaneous alcoholic beverages. The stars really are quite something when there is no ambient street lighting to block them out. We saw at least 4 satellites whiz by too.

Next camp site, Baladjie Rock.
Baladjie Rock is located on the Kordula-Bullfinch Road 42kms north east of Westonia. The extensive granite outcrops are situated in an attractive woodland adjacent to Baladjie Lake. A climb up the main rock provides a spectacular view of the nearby lake system and surrounding landscape.

I didn't go up Baladjie. I was having enough fun with the camping, I left the climbing to the young ones.

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Baladjie isn't quite as long, but it is way higher. More than double of Elachbutting.
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Huge salt lake, goes off into the distance.
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Obligatory Shiva picture.
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OMG! TADPOLES!!!
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We didn't stay up quite as late that night. We did have a game of Cards Against Humanity. Playing that with your soon-to-be in-laws is quite, um, challenging. Nothing like having to explain what some words mean /shudder.
We pretty much cooked all of our camping supplies, as the ice blocks in the eskies were warming up. I made a spicy beef stew, went over quite well with the others. I also cracked out the astronaut freeze dried ice cream, fantastic stuff.

The drive home the next day was nice and long. Had to tank at the 24hour unmanned fuel pump in Mukinbudin, damn petrol engine just doesn't go as far on a full tank compared to a diesel. Next time I'm buying a diesel. Next time I'd like to buy many things, but I'm yet to convince Shiva of their importance. I'll work on it.


So good to see it dirty.
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So good to get it clean again.
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I had a great time. I'm already planning for the next one.
Twelve
Which now brings us to our Posters of the month. These are the people that received the most overall votes for their posts throughout the month.

1) Darkshaunz with a total of 9 votes

2) Twelve with a total of 8 votes

3) Fork with a total of 4 votes

Congratulations to all the winners and we hope to see even more quality content from everyone next month!
Twelve
Statistics for May 2015


Threads started: 26
Total posts: 494

POTM votes cast: 46
Image likes: 8

Images uploaded: 102

Active members: 35
Hunterbob
Wow, Cailo... Haha :lol:

I agree that slack has sucked up a lot of the activity, too, but it's good that posts are still being made and discussed for the more permanent topics!
Beefyfife
I feel like it is harder to find the time to tell you all what is happening in my life unless it revolves around shit i find on the internet or the things I watch and do and comment on them in the movie/tv thread or the sports and/or anime thread. That said though, I will be taking a trip to Thailand and Cambodia this summer. We were also going to go to Malaysia but we just couldnt map out the time with our vacation schedule, Sorry Shaunz, we will visit soon! Also, Korea in September so pics from me later in the year.
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