Sign up

Office Drone Hive 2014

BACK TO WORK FOOLS

Spoon
Image

The First Brood Hive: Over 500 pages of Drone Hiving
(There be gems in here. Beware - the ancient site be large and unruly!)

The Second Brood Hive: 198 pages of eternal agony

The Third Brood Hive: 56 pages of mind bending torture

Image
Twelvians at work.



Introduction

Firstly, a warm welcome to all the new Twelvians that have recently signed up to join our loving community. This is the Drone Hive, where all employed persons (regardless of their station) are encouraged to share their stories, mundane updates, daily drudgery and other psychobabble from their working life. In this thread, all Drones are recognized as being equal in their sharing of soul shattering stories and tales of torment. It is my hope that this thread will alleviate and soothe the pandemonium that all participants of the rat-race inevitably face every working day.

I urge you to sign up to the drone roster (check the format below) - and join the mindless ranks of crystal-harvesting Drones!

There is pretty much only one rule for this thread: Keep the pictures/links Safe for Work.

ImageImageImage



Hive Drone Roster
"Uniting all Twelvian Hive Clusters"

Bain
of Hive Castle Fortinet - the Commission
Hive Specialisation: Infrastructure Drone Overseer, General to the CIO.
Actual Title: Manager, ICT Infrastructure

Clownshoes
of Hive Does The Work So Marketing Doesn't Have To (DTWSMDHT)
Hive Specialisation: Building internets to sell you things you don't really need
Actual Title: Lead Developer

Darkshaunz
of Hive Malazer
Hive Specialisation: Training proposals/tenders, web administration & daily operations.
Actual Title: Senior Operations Executive

Docilus
of Hive Games Playing at Work
Hive Specialisation: All tasks complete after five minutes, playing games for the following twelve hours.
Actual Title: Security Officer

Fork
of Hive Draconian Shitcunts
Hive Specialisation: Getting scunted for doing the right thing in lose-lose situations
Actual Title: iOS Programmer, Web Developer, Database Admin and Support Bitch

Hekate
of Hive Really Really Old University Press
Hive Specialisation: Editing, project management, ebooks, using red pens (felt tip = win)
Actual Title: Managing Editor, Academic & Professional

Jiminy
of hive Specialty German Diesel powerhouse
Hive Specialisation: Technical support and lackadaisical tuition of the dumbs
Actual Title: National electronics training manager.

Malieus
of Hive breaking your internet then fixing it for money
Aggravating Mock Support
Support Customer Service Representative

Remedial
of Hive SAS
Hive Specialisation: Charging the governments to tell them they're bad at data
Actual Title: Technical Consultant (yeah now you'll totally know what I do)

Seylana
of Hive Me Helpy
Hive Specialisation: Organization, Streamlining and listening to life stories and pretending to be interested
Actual Title: Personal Assistant

Spoon
of Hive Mega Internets
Hive Specialization: Programming and team management.
Actual title: Lead Developer

Willy
of Hive Dig Big Holes for Profits
Hive Specialisation: Herding minion larvae, whipping carapaces
Actual Title: Maintenance Analysis & Improvement Superintendent

Hanlol
of Hive Sullivan Nicolaides
Hive Specialisation: Stealing blood off people for my personal gain
Actual Title: Phlebotomist

bladearts
of Hive Bigass hotel between here and nowhere
Hive Specialisation: Cleaning rooms, flirting with guests, and generally trying to zone out from the terribly dull work.
Actual Title: Housekeeper Ala Maid.

Hunterbob
of Hive Dig ALL The Holes
Hive Specialisation: Making sure people know where to dig holes to upgrade things, looking busy, and standing in front of printers destroying forests.
Actual Title: Works Coordinator

Kiral
of Hive Internet Speed Demons
Hive Specialisation: Everything marketing related. Online advertising, management of the front end of the website, graphic design, product design, conversion rate optimisation, SEO, social media management, content creation. I do a lot of shit.
Actual Title: Digital Marketing Lead


Formatting Code for the Roster
(If you are a new Drone, please reply to this thread using the following code)

[size=130][b]Forum username[/b][/size]
[i]of Hive (Your company name here)[/i]
[b]Hive Specialisation:[/b] (Your day to day job task)
[b]Actual Title:[/b] (Your job title, or what your namecard says you are)
hekate
Happy new year, fellow office drones. As my alarm went off at 5.50am, I wondered what sort of idiot I was not to have taken today and tomorrow off. On the plus side though, it's the weekend again soon, and the traffic is almost non-existent, allowing me to have pancakes for breakfast with Bain this morning and leave home 40 minutes later than normal.

The hive is very quiet this morning. So far I've read my emails, caught up with some people, and done a little bit of work. Now it's morning tea time. I'm hoping more of the same will get me to lunch and then quickly to home time.

Hekate's hive drone synergy action plan work objectives performance mission for 2014:
(i) I've got a little under 5 months of work left for the year before our zergling, Spawn, arrives. (That's not very long, now I think about it.)
(b) I get my first minion at the beginning of February - hooray! - and get to hire another one just before I go on leave (I won't be working with them though).
(3) I'm part of a global project to change our entire production/editorial workflow -- so if ever I was going to finally get a trip to the UK, it would have been this year. Great timing, Spawn. For now though it's just lots of emails and a few evening Skype calls.
Fork
Split your post into a new 2014 thread Hekate :)

When you're popping out your little spawn I'll be flying off to Europe, 5 months and counting!

Fork's word of the week: Hopeful
Spoon
I've made a proper new thread for this now, welcome to 2014 fellow drones!

I've also wiped the roster so we can start fresh, everyone please report in using the format:

[size=130][b]Forum username[/b][/size]
[i]of Hive (Your company name here)[/i]
[b]Hive Specialisation:[/b] (Your day to day job task)
[b]Actual Title:[/b] (Your job title, or what your namecard says you are)
hekate
Hekate
of Hive Really Really Old University Press
Hive Specialisation: Editing, project management, ebooks, using red pens (felt tip = win)
Actual Title: Managing Editor, Academic & Professional
willy
Willy
of Hive Dig Big Holes for Profits
Hive Specialisation: Herding minion larvae, whipping carapaces
Actual Title: Maintenance Analysis & Improvement Superintendent
Last edited by willy on Jan 2nd, 2014, 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
Darkshaunz
Happy New Year to all the drones in this new, bland and soul-crushing nutrient hall. As with previous years, may our toil be long, arduous and full of hardship.

The cost of living in Malazer recently went up, as the government cut the nation-wide budget and reduced subsidies on key consumer goods (effective today) . There is downsizing for the government sector, and probably in the private one too. In fact, there was a rally/protest against the price hikes yesterday at the city stadium - the authorities responded by shutting off power to that entire grid section. 2014 will certainly be one of economic anxiety and uncertainty here, and as someone who is already in industry - I will be working to hold onto my job.

Goals:

  • Retain employed status.
  • MC for all four conferences planned this year.
  • Retain employed status.

Darkshaunz
of Hive Malazer
Hive Specialisation: Training proposals/tenders, web administration & daily operations.
Actual Title: Senior Operations Executive
Clownshoes
Clownshoes
of Hive Does The Work So Marketing Doesn't Have To (DTWSMDHT)
Hive Specialisation: Building internets to sell you things you don't really need
Actual Title: Lead Developer
Spoon
Darkshaunz wrote:
The cost of living in Malazer recently went up, as the government cut the nation-wide budget and reduced subsidies on key consumer goods (effective today) . There is downsizing for the government sector, and probably in the private one too. In fact, there was a rally/protest against the price hikes yesterday at the city stadium - the authorities responded by shutting off power to that entire grid section. 2014 will certainly be one of economic anxiety and uncertainty here


Fantastic news! Time for you to move back to Australia.
Docilus
Docilus
of Hive Games Playing at Work
Hive Specialisation: All tasks complete after five minutes, playing games for the following twelve hours.
Actual Title: Security Officer


It may be difficult for people to understand or even believe, but I'm pretty much getting sick of playing games all day at work. This year I shall be endeavoring to get a better paying job. To this end, I started (though reluctantly) a simple fitness regime in December last year. Even after all the family gatherings and party shenanigans, I managed to lose weight over the Christmas break. If I can continue this new trend, and build up the ability to climb stairs without losing my breath, I'm going to have a go at other security forces.
Until then, back to the MMO grind!
Spoon
Nice one Doc, keep that shit up. Constantly associating games with boring activities can only end up with you losing all interest and that would be a sad outcome.

Keep games for relaxation and enjoyment!
Fork
Great job on losing weight over the Chrissy break Doc! And good luck on the fitness and job hunt too.

I just remembered what happened this morning. I had a dream that my alarm didn't go off as it was set to a wrong timezone, so I ended up getting to work late and hating my first day back. Then I woke up to the alarm at the correct time in a shitty mood. That's right, scumbag brain made me hate my job before I even woke up to prepare for it..

Fork
of Hive Draconian Shitcunts
Hive Specialisation: Getting scunted for doing the right thing in lose-lose situations
Actual Title: iOS Programmer, Web Developer, Database Admin and Support Bitch
Melg
I recently got a new job working as a PA for an artist over Christmas. Shes a bit of a fruit cake so Im sure Ill have many stories for this thread. If it all works out Im hoping to expand to other clients. My second day is tomorrow and Im already mentally preparing myself. I want to keep looking for a second job, but for now my hive info is as follows!

Seylana
of Hive Me Helpy
Hive Specialisation: Organization, Streamlining and listening to life stories and pretending to be interested
Actual Title: Personal Assistant
Topic Locked