Sign up
Spoon
I've started compiling various strange / amusing / badly worded sections of people's cover letters and job applications and figured I'd post the ones from the batches I went through today.

Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything related to job applications.

Am I married? Now I don't know … probably … not married


I am looking for work in harmony, the adequacy of the team! With adequate leadership (which does not change the terms of the contract unilaterally!). In normal office (no wobbly tables, chairs brokenness), preferably in the center.


English: expert

Prof. Quality:
- Honesty
- Fast learner
- Komunikabelen


Objective: To obtain a programmer


Hobbies:
Flash
Programming
Rollers


Summary
Curious workaholic - anthropological anomaly.


First line of cover letter:
I completed my Maters of Technology
Fork
Spoon wrote:
Summary
Curious workaholic - anthropological anomaly.

I like this, but would never put it on my resume.
Bain
Fork wrote:
Spoon wrote:
Summary
Curious workaholic - anthropological anomaly.

I like this, but would never put it on my resume.

I could see that on a programmers resume.. Hahaha
Shrill
Fork wrote:
Spoon wrote:
Summary
Curious workaholic - anthropological anomaly.

I like this, but would never put it on my resume.


I'd hire that guy/girl.

Seriously, the number of people who are articulate seems to be drowned out by the people who have mastered the English Level 'Can Order Cheeseburger' and failed to advance any further.

And seeing as my guys need to write designs that can be put in front of customers for signing off, too many of my engineers end up as glorified proofreaders / editors.
hekate
When I worked at a newsagent many years ago, we got some amazingly terrible applications. My favourite ever was the guy who was doing a PhD in clinical psychology, and whose long-winded objective statement was something along the lines of:

blah blah blah
to shine a light in the darkness of people's minds -- to become a clinical psychologist


His main reason for applying for the job was that he wanted to 'observe people' (i.e. customers). Sure, Flinders St Station on a Saturday night is ripe with interesting characters, but you're there to sell them Holiday 50s and fruit tingles, not psychoanalyse them.

We also had quite a few applications from IT students who worked at 7/11 and whose duties included 'moping'

At my current workplace, we have had a serial applicant for entry-level jobs. He writes cover letters like the voice-over for a 50s crime film. The first one explained how he was an unemployed creative writer lying around all day in his undies in his dingy apartment, eating kebabs, and implored us to 'come on, give a guy a job'. (On that note, jobs in publishing seldom require you to write a novel or short story -- the most you're doing is writing blurbs and doing other paperwork like that. We're not paying you to hone your poetry skills.)

Shrill wrote:
, too many of my engineers end up as glorified proofreaders / editors.


You'd be surprised how many people apply for jobs in publishing, make a point of telling you about their eye for/attention to detail, and there's at least one spelling mistake in there. That or they're pretentious idiots who try to impress you with all the obscure words they found in a dictionary.
Spoon
hekate wrote:
You'd be surprised how many people apply for jobs in publishing, make a point of telling you about their eye for/attention to detail, and there's at least one spelling mistake in there.


Sounds closely related to Muphry's Law
Fun
Cakes wrote:
Thank you Spoon for those giggles you provoked. A beverage will be raised as the reward. Cheers!


Honestly thought this was a bot response until I noticed the poster.
Fork
Cakes wrote:
Fun wrote:
Cakes wrote:
Thank you Spoon for those giggles you provoked. A beverage will be raised as the reward. Cheers!


Honestly thought this was a bot response until I noticed the poster.

I haven't got the consistency in anything I do to be bot :/

I dunno, I think you'd be better than any shoulder dislocation bot out there ;)
Spoon
I'm currently looking through a new bunch of CVs from Europeans for our Kiev office, so I have some new oddities to relay:

from 01.2004 up to the present. time (9 years 6 months)
I work on himself. (Internet)


languages

Ukrainian - the average

Russian - Intermediate

I'm unable to figure out what language this guy actually speaks, but judging by the rest of the applicaiton, it certainly isn't English.


Do not take part in the competitions.

This guy offers some very wise advice.


Good understanding of networking technologies, and sometimes get the opportunity to work with switches Cisco

This guy hopes to one day meet Bob.


Getting a programmer PHP, where I can not use his extensive experience in programming PHP, JavaScript, to improve the acquired knowledge and skills to the professional level

Uhh, what?


The level of knowledge of English - pre intarminate

I wonder if pre- or post- intarminate is the more impressive level.
Wiing
wow i am surprised you check over job applicants for other countries. Not looking for an Electrician are you lol?
Spoon
My immediate supervisor Viktor Malyarenko. Such a great person to look for. I can only envy his qualities: professionalism, diligence, accuracy, intelligence and irresistible charm.



PHP-Programmer, from 10,000 USD. / Mo., Full-time, remote work

Professional skills
PHP - medium, using now, 2 years experience.

Well that's optimistic.
Post Reply