The New Ships Available for Star Citizen
Christmas is right around the corner and Star Citizen is excited to help you get into the holiday spirit. We are offering you five new spacecraft for our upcoming title. Buy them for yourself. Buy them for fellow twelvians. You can look at them in your space hangar in the hangar software which should be releasing very soon. Don't consider these ships DLC for a game that is not yet been released, consider them investments in your future of gaming enjoyment.
The AT-40 is a direct competitor of the RSI Shadow Rapier space starfighter. We originally weren't going to release this ship, because it looked a little dopey, but we released a tugboat last week and you guys bought almost 8,000 copies of it. This thing features turrets, missile pods, escape pods, romantic getaway pods and a huge room you can walk around inside of when you buy it. Act now and you can get some sort of special laser that shoots glowing purple balls or something. We haven't even thought it up, but we've got years before you force us to release our half-finished game to ward off Kickstarter lawsuits. I'm sure we'll come up with something good before then.
STARTS AT $29.95
The light attack ship looks like garbage. We had one of our interns make it and he pretty much ripped off some ship from a TV show. This is a superiority fighter and you can put it in the hangars inside the KEW-19 King Wolf fleet carrier. Imagine buying like ten of them for all of your best buds to fly out of your carrier or something. Whatever you want to do. What improbable features are we going to have to promise to get you into this shoddy DLC for an unreleased game? Phantom x-ray beams. Bubble drives. Magnet isotope missile shields. Death boomerang. You don't want to be out in space and not have a death boomerang, do you?
STARTS AT $49.95
This was a ship that one of our graphic designers used in a birthday video for one of the managers. It was a joke. But we're rendering out just about anything and offering it as a ship, because honestly, we're not leaving any money on the table this time around. Do you want us to make up some stretch goals or something? Okay, if we sell 5,000 of these, we'll get the lady who did the voice of Harley Quinn on the Batman cartoon to record the voice of a sassy robot that will appear in the tutorial for the ship editor which releases in 2017. Good enough? Uh, huh, we'll have mini beer bottles made with your pet's name on the labels and include them rolled up in a cloth map of Melbourne with a fake Olympics medal from the 2874 space Olympics.
STARTS AT $59.95
Fuck it. We had this car in our rendering software. We're pretty sure it came with the software. The headlights shoot some sort of nuclear destruction beam. There are, heh, bombs in the trunk or whatever. You can load it up with cargo and drive it to Mexico. Space Mexico. Look, we're not even going to pretend we're not doing crazy rails of cocaine with all this money. Every million dollars you give us just goes straight into booger sugar to melt another valve out of Chris Roberts' heart. At some point we thought you would catch on and stop buying these things, but you just refused to not buy them. So have fun with your space car or whatever.
STARTS AT $79.95
Hey, idiot. Want to spend your money on this garbage? We don't even know what it is. Some pop cans attached to a pile of goblin models from a cancelled reboot of Lands of Lore. Maybe? We were going to try to sell you all these different animals you could ride like horses and pigs in Lands of Lore and then we just said "screw it" because we could sell you anything as a spaceship, including horses and pigs. Why bother with another reboot Kickstarter? So join the, uh, whatever, is this a space game still? Whatever it is, get your Sodawolf Mark 2 thing. It has torpedoes. You can fly it inside a bigger ship and put cargo in the goblin. Give it a shot, dummy.
Buy ten of them with the money you were saving for your kids' Uni fund. These things are sure to go up in value. It'll all be a sound investment. The guy responsible for the Wing Commander movie is making this game. What could go wrong?
STARTS AT $99.95