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I'm Twelve, Are You?

Twelve is better than your binfase, it's a fact. This will be a (not so) brief history of what Twelve was, what it has become and how it got there. I'll also explain the ups and downs the guild has had and some of the great people who have walked the Twelve halls/sewers that helped mould it into the amazing community you are a part of today.


The Core Team

What I feel to be the most important thing about Twelve is the strong foundation it's built on, that being Myself, Spoon, Willy and Darkshaunz.

We were all good mates in high school and one day Darkshaunz and myself discovered we played on the same World of Warcraft server - Blackrock, the only unofficial oceanic server at the time - but in different guilds. I was in Atomic and he was in Soul Raven, but it must have been fate because those two guilds merged to become Elysium. Batwoman (Fork) and Dwarvinator (Shaunz) were finally together.

We played there for a while and were soon joined on the server by Spoon and Willy after telling them how awesome it was at school, however the guild was falling apart due to poor leadership and Blackrock was crumbling in on itself with continued stability issues and extremely long queues. We decided to jump ship as a new wave of servers were released. Darkshaunz remained behind to continue with Elysium which he had become an officer of.


Twelve's Birth

We 'rerolled' on Greymane Horde side. The reason we rolled there was because Spoon figured a PVE server might be a more fun change of pace (note: his max level achieved was only level 30 before leaving Blackrock). Willy and I hated it from the beginning because it was PvE and we loved to smash shit with our hammers but we persisted to about level 20 because Spoon was too stubborn to relocate again. Mind you the only reason he wanted to stay was because "The Barrens chat was cool".. meaning he had a chat with someone about some hipster band.

He was eventually persuaded and we rerolled once again onto the Dark Iron server Horde side and Willy was the guy to start up the first guild charter because he was the fastest leveller. It was called <I'm Twelve> as a sort of play on the apparent age / IQ of the average player, it also gave us an excuse to be as immature as we wanted (and we were at times, as remember this was 6+ years ago) and we recruited a lot of people who just liked to have fun. Spoon and I were both racing from level 59-60, being the first characters either of us had gotten to max level and we managed to both hit 60 within about an hour of eachother (after about two months of playing on the server). Spoon was playing a character named Waffleiron and I was playing on Maeby.

However things took a turn for the worse when we got bored of the PUG-able dungeons and wanted to start raiding as we were on a North American server and so there were very few players in our timezone, which made recruitment very difficult. The fact that Spoon and I were both Hunters (aka non-tank, non-healing, therefore very useless in starting and/or leading a raid) made it even more difficult. The fact that Willy was a Hunter had absolutely no bearing on this though as by this point he had deleted his character, started playing alliance side, gotten a character up to level 40 or 50 and then decided he was bored with that too and then deleted it again.

We picked up Docilus and Kiral along our Dark Iron adventures and managed to organise the high level players in the guild to kill many of the guards and named NPCs in Stormwind before finally being taken down by many guards and Alliance players in the King's chamber. We even managed to organise with a similarly sized asian guild to get some of our max level players into one of their first Zul'Gurub raids. This happened at some random time of day and only Spoon, two random high levels from our guild that we didn't really know and myself got to experience it. But we had a blast regardless. We needed more of this but we needed it to be on our own terms and that just wasn't going to happen on this server.

The new 'Oceanic' servers were being created for the first time and while we didn't want to abandon the characters we'd put so much time into, we thought we'd at least see what it was like. So as the Frostmourne server came up for the first time we reserved a bunch of names Alliance side (i.e how we got Fork and Spoon [and Willy got Knife but then hated it and deleted the character at about level 4]) and almost a week after the server released, we finally decided to play there for a while. We created a guild as soon as we hit level 10 and decided to name it <Twelve>, primarily to seem more mature in hopes of reaching more people with recruitment as many were turned off by the name itself on the previous server. We also decided to play as 'useful' classes and we created a Priest and a Druid each to be healers to cover some of the primary needs of dungeons.

.. and it succeeded! After not too long we realised that it was so, so much better playing with other people of the same timezone and we decided to make Frostmourne our permanent home and abandoned Dark Iron for good. Since then Twelve has grown and manifested itself beyond our wildest dreams. We created more than just another WoW guild, Twelve has transcended the usual guild boundaries and become a community, perhaps even a way of life.

As I said before I believe most of this success is due to its founding members. The Cutlery both shared the Guild Leader role and kept roles fair and each other in check. Brutal honesty was key here and one of the four good friends would always tell us how it was when another was being unfair, greedy, too lenient or harsh, making no sense or just being plain stupid.

Our WoW guild now stands strong as the oldest [or at least tied with one other] raiding guild on the server. We pride ourselves on strong leadership and steady progression while keeping a casual play style and a level of unprofessionalism that cannot be found elsewhere. Players who leave for 'greener pastures' or more hardcore goals usually return because "there's no other guild like Twelve".

Our forums bring people of all ages from all walks of life, not to mention even players from other games, guilds and even factions.

When we try our hand at other games we swarm the servers with jerkdom. We spread our seed far and deep, team killing, team flashing, ramirezes doing everything and of course, trash talking. Games are better with Twelvians, it's a pure simple fact. Every new game we impregnate spreads the Twelve name and brings new blood into the mix.


Twelvians Hall of Derp

As it's been said many times it's the people that make this guild great so below is a list of some individuals who still stand out in my mind today. You may know them from the forums but be unaware in the pivotal part they have played in the guild to make it what it is today. So without further ado here they are in alphabetical order:

Alyssa - This crazy ass American had the worst temper ever, though in true Twelve fashion he became our main raid leader for over a year after stepping up to the plate one day when Spoon couldn't make it. He hated hearing animal noises during raids and a few "quacks" was enough to send him in a blind rage for minutes. His other claim to fame was gkicking an arrogant twat of a warlock Superman who bet him he could beat him in a duel (turns out he couldn't).

Gel - A bloody top bloke who barely spoke but did the job perfectly. He was our Main Tank for approximately 3-4 years and never faltered in his role or attendance. He became co-guild leader with Phin for some time as well. We couldn't give it solely to either of them because Gel was too nice and wouldn't oppose anyone and Phin would disband the guild during his first rage blackout.

Gunmetal - This manly man brought the second legendary to us through a server transfer. He was a veteran to most of the content we were attempting at the time and we screamed through it easily with his strategies and tanking expertise. He also brought an old timers perspective to the table and kept us youngens in line.

Imakillu - This smooth talking kid was always at the top of the meters but also had a terrible temper. He broke his fist punching his keyboard one day after the rogue bracers didn't drop from Razorgore for the millionth time, keeping him on 7/8 tier 2 pieces. He also got the 'Misplaced Servo-Arm' mace from Naxx trash from sheer luck, he wielded it in his off-hand which many of the elitist dickheads on the server made fun of for months. He then got a second Servo-Arm and shouted at them "NOW I'M DOUBLE OFF-HANDING, DICKHEADS". An entire vent channel filled with about 10 people heard him 'playing with his marbles(?)' to a Miss Universe Pageant when he went 'afk' but had push to talk off.

Kiral - As mentioned before we picked this chap up early on in Twelve's life and he has been an integral member since. He was the original webmaster and graphics guy while Spoon, Fork and Clownshoes were still in their training bra's. This man single handedly saved Twelve from doom in the Penance kerfuffle and is our resident travel bug, having travelled to more countries than most pilots.

Kwin - This one of a kind guy was always overly cheerful with his broken English and strange foreign stories. He always welcomed new members with a "WELL CUMMED" message then a 20 minute chat about jizz. He was a true twelve pioneer and equal first to get 8/8 tier 2.

Lunais - Alyssa's brother and another crazy American stationed in Japan. He had a robot voice and was very similar to Popolo in many regards. He was the first Twelve member to receive Sulfuras, Hand of Ragnaros and he did so in true twelve style - shirtless and with macho man playing in the background.

Moradim - This Canadian hunk of a man would wake at 4 am each day to raid with us. Nicknamed Barry White his sensual voice soothed even the most heated argument. His greatest achievement was during Baron Geddon in Molten Core when he was marked as the bomb first up and he just stood there in the middle of the group and exploded, killing near everyone else in the raid. Mora awoke to the yelling on Vent about his uselessness and explained he had fallen asleep on his keyboard. All was forgiven though due to his sexual voice.

Pakuz - This Hawaiian (for some reason we've had about 5 of them) was quite an oddity in the guild as being a Mormon, he did not like 'cursing'. Not at all. If you've ever heard our Ventrilo (or at the time; Teamspeak) then you'll know it can be like a bunch of sailers having a swearing contest. This guy stuck around because he enjoyed Twelve though and raided with us for a good two years or so.

Peekay - A gentleman's gentleman, this strapping specimen of human melted nearly as many hearts as Moradim's voice. His charm swept many off their feet and those lucky enough to see him in the flesh had to pick their jaw off the floor after seeing him walk-strut around with too many buttons undone.

Philondra - We picked up this insanely happy Japanese-American during one of Twelve's earlier incarnations and he soon became one of the core raiders. He was always well spoken and helped out with strategies through Twelve's early raiding career.

Phin - This hilarious chef of rage took over the Guild Leader role alongside Gel when The Cutlery decided to step down to focus on their studies. He led the raid to new successes and developed a reputation for raging in a way unique to himself that just amused the crap out of everyone.

Ralphie - Joining us early on this gnome warlock had the ugliest avatar the WoW universe has ever seen. Despite being an old fart he instantly found himself at home in amongst the juvenile, crass and fun loving Twelvians. Somehow he still managed to become the shining beacon of immorality through his hatred for everyone and everything.

Remedial - I tried to include just past players but Remedial deserves mention here nonetheless. This amazing fellow took over the job as Guild Leader when The Cutlery decided to stepped down and focus on their studies. He has an amazing ability to make calls, listen to 5 people reporting back, watch 39 people to tell them when they fucked up and tank at the same time. Somehow he holds it all together without ever getting out of his peaceful and cheery mood. He bears great weight on his shoulders, I think he must be masochistic to have stayed in the position for so long.

Reyorsted - He the recipient of our first ever legendary item (Thunderfury) and loved jizzing all over his own face. He was our off-tank around the BWL era and was a very amusing guy to have around.

Retsgip - This homosexual midget living in Japan was our off tank for a very long time and always filled in MT shoes when needed. He was rewarded the first epic tanking sword from ZG due to exceptional awesomeness and having a 9 inch penis.

Sanadrix - This guy was Lunais' best friend. He lived in America while Lunais was teaching over in Japan, so the only time they got to talk to eachother was when they were playing WoW. When they spoke over vent it was hilarious and it became a running gag that Sanadrix's mother was a dirty dirty whore.

Sandrin - This was our first Chinese player. When I say Chinese, I mean he was both from and living in China and could barely speak English. He was using his raiding experiences to help learn English from us and outside of raids he would farm for gold and items (for himself) and being both a player from China and constantly farming was enough to get him banned from the Oceanic server. Twice. We even ended up writing emails to Blizzard as a guild on his behalf because he didn't have the necessary language skills to explain the situation himself. We were very sad to lose a raider this way but even sadder that it was someone that awesome. He once snapped over vent at someone that was making fun of his English and it was one of the most magnificent things I have ever beheld. :salute:

Xer and Indianna - Xer was a great tank but got fed up quickly because he couldn't get over the fact how boss encounters were so easy and how so many people were retarded at it. Indianna was a filthy, flirty and oversharing bogan who was also a terrible raider. However she still got raid spots because this husband and wife were a package deal

Xant - This huge lovable oaf is the first member of the TripleX trio who were a group of mates playing together. Xant was bull headed but had a heart of gold and when you met him in real life he was as mushy as they come past his hardened exterior. A true gentlemen and lover of Laughing Cow Shots this fine fellow now serves our armed forces with a bunch of other semen.

Xestio - Our resident emo who cannot stop bragging about his dick and it's numerous conquests. He was often topping charts but suffered severely from tunnel vision and pulled aggro. He was a selfish player and rightful jerk that would always start shit in gchat but we loved him all the same. We are obligated to keep him in the guild otherwise he will commit suicide (but actually).

Xior - The last member of xXx, this fella was quiet as a mouse and about the same size. At the first Twelve Meet he had a goblet full of vodka with his Laughing Cow Shot and promptly passed out. He awoke to a painted face and covered in fabulous custard powder much to everyone else's great amusement.


In conclusion

Twelve is Twelve. There's nothing quite like it and I'm extremely proud to see what it has become and be a part of it throughout it's life. I thank every one of it's past and current members who have contributed to make it what it is today. Here's to another ~6 years!

If you want anything expanded on let me know and I'll wrack my brains and write a bit more for you. Many thanks to Spoon for proof reading this and filling in numerous blanks my memory was missing. Please post these requests here.
Kiral is a bloody legend :)

Definitely glad I could persuade Spoon. At least that's what happened in my mind. I wasn't even lvl 60 yet and was just following them >_>

It was a dark time for Twelve, but look at us now! We did rise through those ashes and our wings are more full of fire and penises than ever!

Enough of the downs though, make with the happy!

(I've added details about the Penance drama to the OP)
Would be cool to compile a list of all the twelvians we can remember.
There's a shitload of them and i'd say there have easily been [literally] thousands of players come and go through the guild.

There are obviously a lot fewer that were important to the raiding side of Twelve, but Fork was just going through some of the more prominent members from the early years.

P.S Sanadrix's mother is a slut
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